Obsessing over a Past Relationship

Meet Jill and Hank:

Jill and Hank are two very active people who appear to be happily married.  But, in reality, Jill is miserable and Hank is uncomfortable in their relationship.  This couple doesn’t have any children. 

Jill worked before their marriage, and after, to pay for Hank’s Medical School expenses to allow him to attend classes full-time and become a physician.

Jill said,  Hank came home today, and asked her to go with him on a picnic.  She said, while they were picnicking, he asked her for a divorce, stating that he is no longer in love with her, and that he wants out of their marriage.  Jill said, she is assessing their relationship. She feels she has a major investment in their marriage because of the money she contributed, while “Hank contributed nothing.” They  have been married for fifteen years.

Question: Is Jill assessing this relationship, or is she obsessing over it?

My thoughts:
In Jill's case, her marriage is over! There is nothing to carefully look at and make a logical observation about. Her husband has moved on. She has played the role of a mother in this relationship and has been hurt. And now, she is angry and unable to let go of a relationship that has been over for a long time. She was too concerned about the marriage and not the relationship. Marriage is what we look at from a legal point of view. A relationship defines the marriage. The relationship is what we have to work on continually. If it is left alone, like a plant un-nourished, it will die.

When an  individual take on the full role of responsibility in a marriage, that destroys the relationship, because it is left without Romance Love. In Jill's case, she is obsessing over the marriage that she invested her money and time into. All she is left with, are angry thoughts that are preoccupying her mind over a past relationship. I'm calling this, obsessing over a past relationship.

 or obsessing over it?

Meet Jill and Hank:

They are a fairly young couple.  They have been married for 15 years.  They both are very active people, and appear to be happily married.  But, in reality, Jill is miserable and Hank is uncomfortable in their relationship.  This couple doesn’t have any children.  Jill worked before their marriage, and after, to pay for Hank’s Medical School expenses to allow him to attend classes full-time and become a physician. 

Jill said,  Hank came home today, and asked her to go with him on a picnic.  She said, while they were picnicking, he asked her for a divorce, stating that he is no longer in love with her, and that he wants out of their marriage.  Jill said, she is assessing their relationship. She feels she has a major investment in their marriage because of the money she contributed, while “Hank contributed nothing.”

Question: Is Jill assessing this relationship, or is she obsessing over a past relationship?

My thoughts:
In Jill's case, her marriage is over! There is nothing to carefully look at and make a logical observation about. Her husband has moved on. She has played the role of a mother in this relationship and has been hurt. And now, she is angry and unable to let go of a relationship that has been over for a long time. She was too concerned about the marriage and not the relationship. Marriage is what we look at from a legal point of view. A relationship defines the marriage. The relationship is what we have to work on continually. If it is left alone, like a plant un-nourished, it will die.

When an  individual take on the full role of responsibility in a marriage, that destroys the relationship, because it is left without Romance Love. In Jill's case, she is obsessing over the marriage that she invested her money and time into. All she is left with, are angry thoughts that are preoccupying her mind over a past relationship. Jill is obsessing over a past relationship.

A relationship has to be nourished with passion, and built upon the foundation of trust, to be one that last a lifetime. 

Ellen J. Barrier/
Author/Creative Writing